Friday, February 18, 2011

Week 17

Right now is halfway to when I lost Moose. I'm freaking out. Really freaking out, like all the time. Sitting here, I'm pratcially in tears because I'm so scared. How am I going to make it through all of this. I mean I'm month 4. It's Febraury. I'm due at the end of July. I have so long to go.

Wombat, could you just punch, kick, or whatever REALLY hard just to let me know you're fine? I just need to feel you. I need something that's unmistakably you, not just a swish. I need a Mike Tyson punch, please.

It's a good thing I go to the doctor on the 21st. I couldn't wait until the 8th.

I guess it doesn't help that I read about a healthy baby being born at week 33. That's always a kick to my heart. However, her doctor suspected something was up and was monitoring her closer than I was monitored with Moose, but still. It hurts. But I can't live in "what if..." Life isn't "what if..." Life is what's happened and there's no turning back and changing it. Life is living without Moose and hoping Wombat makes it all the way through.

Every pregnant woman freaks about her pregnancy. Every woman wonders if everything is progressing properly. It's harder though when that unknown is a reality. Something constantly watching and waiting, tourmenting.

Yes, I'm also being a hormonal, pregnant woman. I may have cried over prenatals last night. Anyway, pregnancy hormones and loss do not go well together.

For those of you who are pregnant, what are your fears? We all have them because I see them on the Bee all the time.


  1. I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. We all do have our fears, but I'm sure women like yourself have them times 100. My biggest fear during pregnancy was c-section. Really. For some reason I knew she was healthy and I wasn't worried about anything going wrong during pregnancy. My fears were for labor and everything after. I did not want to get cut open. I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it now.
    I hope your doctors appointment goes well and eases your fears a bit.

  2. Thanks! Everything went well. Wombat measured right in the middle for everything except Wombat has a giant head. Having a c-section freaks me out too. Ick! It's super scary to me.